What Once Was Lost

This is a blog about motherhood (obviously). And an honest one at that (hopefully). For the last 2 months things have been quiet on here. I haven't wanted to open up about my days spent mothering. Because truth be told, for the first time in my life, I spent much of the last two months just wanting to escape motherhood. And for someone who has desired to be a stay at home mom from the time she was a little girl - that's a very painful reality to sit with. Somewhere in the mess and chaos and exhaustion of raising 4 young kids and taking care of a home and loving a husband and being a friend and blogging and finding time for my health and cooking and checking Facebook (too often) and sleeping and carpooling and nursing a baby and paying bills and folding laundry - I lost my joy.

Thankfully, I journey this parenthood road with an incredible husband and partner. And we have an awe-inspiring Heavenly Father guiding both of us. And through the grace and love these two have lavished upon me - joy found me again. 

I noticed it returning when I traded minutes spent on Facebook for minutes spent interacting face to face with my babies.

I began to feel it when I chose to start each morning with a simple, earnest prayer - "Lord, fill me."

I sensed it's presence when I allowed myself to sit. And just be still.

I discovered it when I tuned out the television - completely. And tuned into my husband - wholeheartedly.

I was greeted with joy when I began to see the world around me with overwhelming gratitude once again.

And I found joy when I made time for God to reveal himself to me. Through his Word and through the words of those wiser than me. Words like the following:

     "When a man changes a diaper, when a mother puts a child to her sore breasts to feed her, this parent is doing what God created him or her to do, what gives God great delight, what faithful believers have been doing for thousands of years. Let others mock us; let others ridicule us! That's a small price to pay when our dutiful service brings a smile to God's face and pleasure to his heart. This is the world as God created it, and living in it rightly brings great joy to him.
     Faithful parent, hear me: Heaven rejoices in your service and even cheers you on. The world has mocked and will continue to mock our choices and our estate. But we know the God who called us to live as a family, and we are to find our pleasure, our purpose and our acceptance from him.
     You are doing what God created you to do. Look Godward, friend, and be strengthened."

(excerpt from, Devotions for Sacred Parenting by Gary Thomas)