My Favorite Happily Ever After

Matt and I took the kids out to dinner last night. We got to the restaurant nice and early, hoping to beat the rush. We still had to wait 15 minutes to be seated. We just missed ordering before a party of thirteen so it took a bit for our order to be placed. The restaurant was particularly busy for a Wednesday night so service was understandably slow. From start to finish, it was a much longer dinner out than I excepted. The kids were squirrely and loud. As they whined and played with knives and picked food off the floor and played musical chairs and bickered over crayons and laughed and scarfed down their food I just gazed across the table at my husband - completely and totally overwhelmed by how much I love this man.

 

 

 

 

 

Matt and I met in 1997, toward the end of our first year of college. My first impression was that he was a "very nice hippie". Years passed and we were very good friends. During the time our college years overlapped in San Luis Obispo we spent many hours talking about life and dreams and goals and family. But neither of us ever thought we would end up together, married and parenting 4 children. In 2001 I had just graduated college and I was preparing to get my teaching credential. Matt was finishing at UCSD and applying to medical schools. After not talking for almost 2 years we had a brief email exchange in which I learned he was a bit worried about the application (and acceptance) process. After our email exchange I sent him a letter, hoping to encourage him along in the process. Two weeks later I received a letter from Matt. 

 

 

 

 

Prior to this letter, I never thought of marrying Matt. I admired the man he was but I never thought he was the man for me. But one sentence in one very dear letter changed all of that.

 

"I want to send my kids to you!"

 

The moment I read that line my heart skipped a beat and I thought,

 

"I want your kids to be my kids!"

 

The clarity God placed on my heart in that moment was shocking. After a month or so of mulling over my hearts desire to be with Matt I called him. Unknown to me, Matt had been mulling over his own thoughts. And he had decided to call me too - at the exact same moment. So for the first time in nearly two years we talked. It was a brief and awkward phone conversation. After a few more conversations that turned into face to face visits. And a long distance dating relationship that turned into a long distance engagement we were married in July of 2003. And the rest, as they say, is history.

 

My love and appreciation for Matt has grown stronger with each passing year. Matt and I both feel we've been blessed with a marriage we only thought possible in our dreams. The time we spend together isn't always exciting or romantic - but it is always appreciated and treasured. Matt is my most precious gift. And by God's grace he has gifted Matt and I with 4 beautiful children (and 2 more awaiting us in heaven). I thank God every single day that he gave me a heart to love that "very nice hippie" and worked out life so that my kids are indeed his kids too.  

 

 

What Once Was Lost

This is a blog about motherhood (obviously). And an honest one at that (hopefully). For the last 2 months things have been quiet on here. I haven't wanted to open up about my days spent mothering. Because truth be told, for the first time in my life, I spent much of the last two months just wanting to escape motherhood. And for someone who has desired to be a stay at home mom from the time she was a little girl - that's a very painful reality to sit with. Somewhere in the mess and chaos and exhaustion of raising 4 young kids and taking care of a home and loving a husband and being a friend and blogging and finding time for my health and cooking and checking Facebook (too often) and sleeping and carpooling and nursing a baby and paying bills and folding laundry - I lost my joy.

Thankfully, I journey this parenthood road with an incredible husband and partner. And we have an awe-inspiring Heavenly Father guiding both of us. And through the grace and love these two have lavished upon me - joy found me again. 

I noticed it returning when I traded minutes spent on Facebook for minutes spent interacting face to face with my babies.

I began to feel it when I chose to start each morning with a simple, earnest prayer - "Lord, fill me."

I sensed it's presence when I allowed myself to sit. And just be still.

I discovered it when I tuned out the television - completely. And tuned into my husband - wholeheartedly.

I was greeted with joy when I began to see the world around me with overwhelming gratitude once again.

And I found joy when I made time for God to reveal himself to me. Through his Word and through the words of those wiser than me. Words like the following:

     "When a man changes a diaper, when a mother puts a child to her sore breasts to feed her, this parent is doing what God created him or her to do, what gives God great delight, what faithful believers have been doing for thousands of years. Let others mock us; let others ridicule us! That's a small price to pay when our dutiful service brings a smile to God's face and pleasure to his heart. This is the world as God created it, and living in it rightly brings great joy to him.
     Faithful parent, hear me: Heaven rejoices in your service and even cheers you on. The world has mocked and will continue to mock our choices and our estate. But we know the God who called us to live as a family, and we are to find our pleasure, our purpose and our acceptance from him.
     You are doing what God created you to do. Look Godward, friend, and be strengthened."

(excerpt from, Devotions for Sacred Parenting by Gary Thomas)

 

 

Theology 101

 

Sometimes all you need is a little bit of soul refreshing via quiet time.

 

 

 

But then before you know it your 2 year old awakes.

And you find yourself soul refreshing via cuddle time.

 

 

 

There's always time for cuddles.

 

And a bible lesson.

 

Birthday Choppin'

 

 

Today is my dear husband's birthday.

 

And he wanted to spend it in the woods hunting for the perfect Christmas tree.

 

So that's just what we did.

 

 

All we had was a map ...

 

 

... traveling companions ...

 

 

 

 

 

 ... and a leader with a positive attitude.

 

 

 

And we came home with this ...

 

Aside from leaving one child behind in the woods for a minute it was a great day.

(That dang traveling caravan will get you every time!)

 

The Letter - 11/29/13

If I could write a letter to me, I wouldn't write a letter to my teenage self filled with words of wisdom based on what I know now. If I could write a letter to me, I would write it to myself 25 years down the road. I'd write it to the me who no longer has children left at home. I'd write it to the me with more time on her hands and more sleep in her eyes. I'd write it to the me who I'm certain will recall her early years of motherhood fondly. The years when her kids did not let their mommy sleep but they did love her unabashedly. I'd write it to the me who I know will one day gaze day dreamily at that tired young mom she sees in the grocery store. The one lugging her screaming kids down each aisle. And this is what it would say:

Dear Self,

When you see that mom barely holding it together in the grocery store, smile at her and tell her she is doing an amazing job.

When that young mom you know has her third baby, and that baby turns 8 months old and that mom is just as tired as she was when her third addition was a tiny newborn, take her family a meal. Just because.

When you go out on a dinner date with your husband, and you're seated next to a dad and mom and their rambunctious toddler, smile at his parents. Let them know you understand. And pay for their meal.

When you're taking your leisurely evening stroll through the neighborhood, and you hear screaming and temper-tantrum-throwing coming from the windows of a house down the street, pray for the mommy who lives there. Pray that very moment that an abundance of peace and understanding would fill her heart and home.

When you're at the park with your own grand kids, and you overhear a mom patiently encouraging her son who is struggling to tie his shoes, walk by and encourage her with words of your own - "those kind words you're sharing with your son right now are building him up and blessing his heart."

When you're having your morning quiet time and enjoying your coffee uninterrupted, take a minute to write a note of encouragement to the young mom you know who is most surely fatigued from giving all she has to her family.

When you have room in your purse because it's not longer filled with goldfish crackers and diapers and pacifiers, fill it with gift cards to Starbucks. And when you see a mom unloading kids from her minivan and preparing to run endless errands, slip one of those gift cards under her windshield wiper and bless her upon her return.

When you're Christmas shopping and you - and everyone around you -  hear a young child screaming uncontrollably for no apparent reason, and you see her mom and dad's cheeks grow red with embarrassment and anger, don't stare and don't judge them. Just pass and pray for them.

And when your head hits the pillow at night and you find your thoughts drifting back to when your kids were little, thank God for your own children. Thank Him that he provided for you every step of the way. Through their infancy, their toddler hood, their elementary, middle and high school years and beyond. And thank God that in his infinite wisdom He designed you to be the perfect mom for your children. And the perfect grandma for your grandchildren. And Lord willing, the perfect great grandmother for your great grandchildren. And fall asleep knowing that every good and perfect gift comes from your Heavenly Father above.

Sincerely,

Your Much Younger Self

Losing It

Sharing time and space and oxygen with a two year old leads to one thing: reduced mental capacity. I'm convinced they destroy your brain cells, one irrational fit at a time. The screaming. The tantrums because cheerios aren't blue. The screaming. The teenage independence that far exceeds their toddler capabilities. The screaming. Did I mention the screaming? Little by little, they leave you depleted, unable to form a coherent sentence, confusing even to the voices in your own head. Yet somehow you are still expected to remain sane and be a parent. It's possible. But your nearly brain-cell-less state will most certainly lead to conversations like this:

 

Me: Claire, please leave your band aides on your cheeks.

 

Claire: NO! I no like my band aides!!!

 

Me: Leave your band aides on or give me your hot chocolate. Because it's not safe to have both band aides and hot chocolate. (uh ... what did I just say ... that made no sense)

 

 

Sometimes, despite no brain cells, you miraculously manage to get it spot on:

 

 

Me: "Henry, what's more important? Being right all the time or being kind to your brother?"

 

Henry: Being kind to Adam. I'm sorry Adam.

 

Me: Thank you Henry. (Did that really just do down like that?! I'll be using that one again!)

 

 

But then, just twenty minutes (and 1,000 less brain cells) later:

 

Me: Henry, what's more important, um, sharing your, um, I mean not putting Adam's toys, um ... uh ... being kind to Adam (what am I even saying?!) Henry, It's important to be kind to your brother! (*&#!)

 

Henry: What are you talking about?

 

Me: Never mind. Go to your room.

 

When Henry was my only child I had way more brain cells. As a result, I used a lot of  "Love and Logic" in my parenting (the "logic" in the love and logic approach assumes you - the parent - have the potential to think logically). It's a very diplomatic approach. Give your child reasonable choices. And let him experience natural consequences. Yada, yada, yada. It was pretty fantastic. And worked. Until Henry caught on and started using love and logic on me.

 

"Momma, do you want to pick up my toys now or in 5 minutes?"

 

Yeah. I'm pretty sure that's not how things are going to work around here. So I went back to the drawing board and began reading any parenting book that came highly recommended by reliable friends, parents who'd been around the block, the homeless guy on the corner. One book taught me how I could have a new kid by Friday. One taught me how to deal with my strong willed child. One even taught me how not to count to three. I thought I was figuring it all out. 

 

And then I had Adam.

And Claire.

And now Emily.

 

And I've found that nothing I've read - even the most applicable nugget of parenting gold - comes to mind the moment I need it most. What does come to mind however is my desire to show love even in the midst of frustration, my fervent prayers for wisdom and an intrinsic sense of which child needs what at any given moment - because heaven knows all my kids have drastically different needs.

So despite the fact that more of my brain cells vacate the premises whenever a sweet child of mine travels through the terrible two's, I'm discovering I still have enough left to parent. Amazingly, I'm even able to string together a line of logic now and again that gets the job done. 

 

Like when I tell Adam:

 

"Wearing socks with your Crocs only work when the rain isn't wet." (huh???)

 

And somehow it makes so much sense to him that he chooses to put on his rain boots (which was the outcome I was hoping for but never dreamed would come so easily!). When things like this happen I consider it a sign that my brain still works well enough to communicate with my offspring. And I consider that nothing less than a miracle.

 

 

Barron Family Christmas Traditions

 I love Christmas. Even more so now that I'm able to create Christmas memories with my own kids. In the Barron house, we think Santa is cool. He fills stockings and brings the kids a gift. But when all is said and done, he's got nothing on baby Jesus.

 

 The phrase is true after all. Jesus is the reason for the season.

This year - before the Christmas season has come and gone - I wanted to share some of our favorite Christmas traditions. These traditions are special in our home because they point the kids (and adults) toward why we celebrate Christmas.

Christmas Story Advent Calendar
A few years ago, I stumbled across this advent calendar. And loved it.
 http://lovelyindeed.com/diy-advent-calendar-free-printable/
Every evening in December our family gathers together to experience this calendar. We read a brief passage from the Christmas story (as found in the link above). To give the kids a tangible reminder of what Christmas really stands for, I made a corresponding ornament to go with each reading. We place the ornament on a special advent tree, sing a Christmas carol and pray together. It is simple. And meaningful.

 

 

 

Manger
The idea for this tradition comes from my sweet friend (and most loyal reader), Lindy. And it is one of my favorites. A couple years ago Matt made us a small, wooden manger. Every year when we get our ornaments out of storage we bring out the manger also. We place the manger and a small pot of hay (raffia) in front of our decorated tree. Throughout the month of December we prepare the manger for baby Jesus. Whenever anyone sees another family member being kind or serving or generous they place a small amount of hay in the manger. As the month goes on, the manger gets softer and softer in anticipation of baby Jesus' arrival. When the kids awake bright and early Christmas morning they rush to the tree. And there they find the manger filled with a small doll wrapped in cloth and resting comfortably because of the kindness we've shown each other.

 

Praying Cards

I was so excited when I found this mailbox last December (in the grocery store of all places). 
 

I knew it would be a perfect addition to the tradition in our home that centers around the Christmas cards we receive each year. Each day when cards arrive in the mail I place them in the mailbox on our mantel. I put the candy cane up to let the kids know "we have mail!". When we gather together in the evening for our advent calendar devotions one of the kids is granted the privilege of removing the cards from the mailbox. Together we open the cards, talk about the family and friends we see before us and then include that family in our nightly prayers. 

 

 Christmas Craft
To say my kids love crafts would be an understatement. They love crafts more than riding bikes. Or eating. And sometimes I think more than breathing. So each year I like to do a Christmas craft with the kids. This was our craft last year.

 

 



 

 And I'm pretty sure this will be our craft this year.  I'm very excited about this one.

http://katherinemariephotography.com/blog/archives/7629 

Here are two more simple and sweet ideas if you also have crafty kids.

 http://www.whattoexpect.com/blogs/astudentatmamauniversity/nativity-crafts-for-kids-popsicle-stick-nativity

(popsicle stick nativity scene)
 

http://www.pinterest.com/pin/104005072616319993/

(Flower pot nativity scene)

 

Christmas Caroling
A couple years ago the kids and I accidentally discovered our love for a long last tradition: Christmas caroling. Matt was working late one December night, the kids were restless and it was still hours before bedtime. Desperately needing to fill time, I made them all hot chocolates and we headed out to see the Christmas lights in our neighborhood. Just as we were walking by a neighbors house, the kids started to sing. So we stopped. And sang them Silent Night. And at the next house, we sang Jingle Bells. And at the next house, we sang Silent Night and Jingle Bells because that was about the extent of their impromptu Christmas caroling knowledge. Because of that, I now include singing (teaching) a Christmas carol as part of our nightly advent calendar devotional time. As a result, the kids Christmas carol repertoire is much improved since Christmas 2011.

I've also found this to be the perfect time to take treats to neighbors. One year we took cookies. Last year we took fresh from the oven soft pretzels. To add meaning to the tradition of giving to others I often lead the kids in prayers for the families we are baking for as we prepare their sweet treats.

 

 

Nativity scenes
I love nativity scenes. When I was a little girl, I knew the Christmas season was upon us when my mom took out the boxes containing our nativity scene. For me, it was as special to set up the nativity scene as it was to decorate our tree.

I love this nativity scene because my kids can actually play with the characters.

http://www.amazon.com/Fisher-Price-Little-People-Christmas/dp/B000067R86

 

And I love this one also. It beckons you - whether young or old - to sit quietly and ponder the miracle that was the birth of Jesus. 

 http://www.christianbook.com/hurricane-candle-holders-christmas-year-round/pd/80967X?dv=c&en=google-pla&kw=gift-and-home-60-80&p=1167941&gclid=CIajyP62g7sCFe01Qgoda3MAkg

 

 

While some things change from year to year, the traditions above are a constant in our home. There are other things we enjoy (cutting a tree, driving around town looking at lights, a candlelight service on Christmas Eve, time with friends and family), but we try to limit filling our calendars too full. Simply so our focus stays on the most important gift of all, the humble birth of a tiny babe over 2000 years ago.
.