Illusions

My in-laws visited last weekend. I love them so much. They have the gift of speaking life into me, Matt and our kids. One of the ways that my father-in-law encouraged and affirmed me last weekend was by telling me that i have "beautifully embraced a balance of chaos and structure" in the running of our home and that he was "really impressed and proud of me."
People.
Those words mattered!
They were timely, affirming, and just what I needed to hear. 

It's important to note that the "balance" my father in law noticed is a far cry from where i once was. I once was lost in the illusion that if  I could successfully control the behaviors and routines of those around me then the outcomes would bring me order and peace. I have since found I was working against myself at every turn.

I've found that striving for constant control exhausts us physically and emotionally. Yes. It takes energy to manage a home well. But it adds stress to micromanage the details of everyone in the house. There is a notable difference.

Placing our peace in control leaves us isolated spiritually. How do you learn to lean upon God and recognize His hand when all your energy is spent white-knuckle-fisting the details of your day?

Overvaluing control gives the illusion of peace while actually wreaking havoc on the relationships you hold most dear. Just ask your kids and husband.

 Life is the ultimate teacher, if you allow it. It has taken years of prayer, seeking the holy spirit  daily minute by minute, Matt's honest feedback in our marriage, truthful friends, parents and in-laws, five kids, and homeschooling for me to let go of striving. And only by the grace of God, I now see how control, the exact thing I used to master my days, had actually become the master of me.