Broken

When you finish a marathon you get a medal. It doesn't matter if you complete it in 2 1/2 hours or if you cross the finish line in just over five. Either way, you receive a medal. I have two. And I worked hard for them. I lost blood and sweat and tears and toenails and calories and sleep for them. About six months ago a sweet child of mine broke one of my hard earned medals. I found it in pieces on our closet floor. And I was angry. The medal lying broken at my feet had once spoken volumes. It said I was more than just wiping bottoms and breaking up fights and kissing boo-boos and making Mac & cheese. It said I was able to take care of my home and my kids and my husband. And I was able to do it while also training to run 26.2 miles. In it's prime it had boldly declared that I could do it all. And get a medal on top of it.  

And now it was broken.

It took me awhile to realize that being angry over my broken medal was childish. I had a little fit. I shed a few tears. I tried to get the guilty party to understand the value of what he had broken. And then I showed my medal to Matt. He quietly went to work gluing it back together and hung it on a hanger in our closet to mend. And there it rested while I forgot about it. Until the other day when I was searching for a favorite fall sweater. And there it was. I removed it from the hanger and turned it over in my hands. The cracks were still visible. And as I held the symbol of my well done accomplishment in my hands my eyes filled with tears. But I wasn't crying out of disappointment as I had when I first discovered the broken medal. I was crying over the work God has done in my heart in the last 6 months.

Since Emily was born I've gone running just a handful of times. Running, something good and healthy, just doesn't fit in these days. There are moments when matt is home to watch the kids and Emily has just finished nursing and dinner is ready and clothes are folded and I am able to dig deep for the energy needed to go for a little run. But these moments are few and far between. I could let other things go so that running could stay. In the past, I did. Because I needed to run. I needed to de-stress. To be fit. To get away. To be more than just a mom. I needed to run to accomplish a goal, and a medal on top of it all was a very nice "job well done."

 

 

But right now, in this season of life I don't need the medal. Because by God's grace alone, I am immeasurably filled and deeply rewarded with what used to be "just" the everyday.

 

 

 In this season, I am deeply filled teaching Adam "the F says fffff" and that 2 + 3 equals 5.

(well done good and faithful servant)

 

I am deeply rewarded when I cradle Claire in my lap and tell her fairy tales.

(well done good and faithful servant)

 

I am deeply filled when Henry gets home from school and we sit together over a snack.

(well done good and faithful servant)

 

I am deeply rewarded by laying on the floor with my camera snapping picture after picture of my sweet little Emily.

(well done good and faithful servant)

 

I am deeply filled sitting alongside Matt, just being together.

(well done good and faithful servant)

 

And above all I deeply filled when I find myself resting in the grip of God's unconditional love.

(well done good and faithful servant)

 

So for now, my medals are hanging in the closet, where dust and cracks will fade them.
But my rewards are many.

 

 

There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8


His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!
Matthew 25:21

 Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
Matthew 6:19-21