Hearding Cats

I realize I post a lot about the joys of running errands with little kids. I write about it because it's one of those things that is universally understood - and dreaded - by parents. If you have kids, you get it. If you don't, imagine taking two, three, four, or more (bless you!) cats with you to Target.

 

Imagine telling your cats to get their shoes on. Imagine how well they would listen.

And there you have it.

 

Imagine opening the front door once you've finally gotten shoes on all your cats and imagine them running in 3 different directions. One runs toward the street. The other meanders toward the flowers in the front yard to go pee. The third actually heads in the general direction of your car, only to sit down in the driveway and play with ants. The fourth cat is sound asleep in her car seat.

And there you have it.

 

Now imagine asking your cats to get in and buckle up. One of the cats, the one who just happily peed on your lily's, obliges. Your second cat climbs in quickly, but then sits in the middle of the floor playing with markers and paper airplanes and week old fishy crackers. The third meows. And meows. And meows. And won't stop meowing because she wants to buckle her 4 point harness all by herself (totally logical).The fourth cat is sound asleep in her car seat.

And there you have it.

 

Now imagine driving to the store.The meowing hasn't stopped.

 

Imagine getting to Target and unloading all of your cats. The first hops right out (God bless him!). The second cat unbuckles but then sits in the middle of the floor and demands a treat. "Sorry, no treat right now - we're having lunch in a little bit." (Imagine how well your cat would understand you). The third agrees to climb out, but only if she can do it all by herself with her eyes closed while also playing with her toenails and sucking her thumb. The fourth cat is sound asleep in her car seat. 

And there you have it.

 

Imagine walking through a minefield busy parking lot with all your cats. Upon entering Target a cat fight erupts because two of your cats want to hang off the same side of the shopping cart. Your third cat is meowing in your face because she doesn't want to ride in the cart. She wants to walk, all by herself! And the fourth cat is sound asleep in her car seat.

 

Now imagine just needing to buy paper towels, toilet paper and Windex but your three cats are meowing for candy and toys and markers and movies. Imagine telling your cats "No!" Imagine their response.

And there you have it.

 

And just when you're done and pushing your feral cart to the checkout, imagine your potty training cat starting to meow the meow that tells you they need to relieve themselves. Imagine taking all 4 of your cats to the restroom. Imagine waiting 20 minutes while your potty training cat sits on the toilet. All while your other two cats are meowing at the door, trying to get out. And your fourth cat is waking, and stretching and starting to whimper.

 

And finally, imagine your cart brimming over with cats as you wait in the checkout line. Imagine them growing increasingly insane (and you too) as you complete your transaction. Imagine navigating back through the minefield parking lot all while the daunting task of doing this all over again at the grocery store and the post office looms large in your mind. But wait, that cat that's been sleeping in her car seat. She just woke up. And wants milk. From your boobs.

 

And there.

You've had it!