A Word From the Boss

I received my job performance evaluation last week.

Phew! What a relief. Because that evaluation could have gone much differently. Let's be honest, I don't frequently hear those glowing reviews from my dependents. They are very quick to tell me when the food I make is gross. They don't hesitate to talk back when I ask them to do something.  They certainly let me know when they have better ideas than me. But they don't often chime in with, "I love you mommy ... you're the best mom ever."

When I was a working woman, before I became a stay-at-home-and-work-my-tail-off-woman, I received job performance evaluations all the time. Every job I've had came with an evaluation of some sort. My college job, my teaching jobs, my managerial jobs. I received regular feedback on my job performance every step of the way. And then I became a mom - the single most important job I've ever had - and the performance evaluations stopped.

 

 

Some days, I'm just fine with figuring this gig out on my own. But lots of days, I just want a little feedback. Something. Anything, really. And not from the little people who benefit (or not) from my tactics. But from one slightly more mature who sees, day in and day out, just how I handle this bunch of Barron's. And on those days, which are usually filled with a fair amount of self-doubt, I have to remind myself that I am not alone. That there is one who see my actions, knows my heart and hears my thoughts. And not only is He watching me. He is most certainly in my corner, lovingly cheering me on as I tackle my highest calling.

 

So when Henry secretly records a video to tell me, "You're the best mom ever" I not only hear his sweet words. I also choose to hear the voice of God encouraging me along the way.

 

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters,  since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

Colossians 3:23-24

A

Be Encouraged

 

I love Dutch Bros.Coffee. It's not even the actual coffee I love as much as the convenience, the (incredibly caffeinated) people who work there and the heart behind the business. And lately, I love their lids. This morning the lid on my Annihilator was imprinted with this message:

 

 

At first I laughed. A laugh from somewhere inside of me that said, "As if I'm changing the world today." And then somewhere in my mind, my tired from the ho-hum of everyday mothering mind, I remembered that when I wake up each morning that is exactly what I'm doing. I'm getting up early, staying up late and changing the world. And so is every other mommy out there. This task before us isn't something we can phone in. It takes heart, grit, love and a whole lot of dedication to raise these little people. And with every tear that falls (from their eyes and ours some days) we are changing the world. Because someday very soon these boys and girls are going to be men and women and they will be as kind and loving and dedicated as the example they see in the mothers who raised them. So be encouraged and know ...

 

"They shall not labor in vain, nor will they bear children doomed to misfortune; for they will be a people blessed by the Lord - they and their descendants with them."  Isaiah 65:23

 

 ... And  this morning when you wake up ...

 

Sit down and eat breakfast with your kids. As you clean up together tell them what you felt the moment you first saw their little face. Give them a hug and a kiss and remind them how God has gifted them with an incredible intellect and a loving heart. Encourage them to use their gifts by sitting together and writing a letter to their Grandma or their friend or their dad. And then send them to play. And watch them as they do what they do. And silently pray over them. And change the world.

 

And when lunch arrives, and their bellies - and voices - grow demanding, remind them that patience is a beautiful fruit of the spirit. And encourage them to say please and thank you. And use it in return when they clear their plate and wash their hands. And as they grow tired and cuddle in bed for a nap or lay on the couch to watch cartoons, sit down yourself. Rest your tired feet and as you do say a  prayer of thanksgiving for the child God created and gave to you because he knew you would be the perfect mother to bring them up to change the world.

 

When the 5 o'clock hour hits, and everyone is grumpy and tired and hungry (again), turn on some music. Turn it up and dance around the house. And show your children that mouths filled with laughter and tongues with shouts of joy are pleasing to the Lord and to those around them. Show them that even when they are tired or hungry, they can choose joy. And watch as they are filled with The Spirit that can change the world.

 

And when the day is done and bedtime finally arrives, stay patient long enough to cuddle up next to them on their little beds. Rub their backs. Talk about the joys you shared today. Tell them that of all the jobs you've ever had, being their mom is your favorite. And make sure they know your love for them is great, but the love their heavenly Father has for them is even greater. And as you tuck them in, pray they will find rest so they can wake up in the morning and continue growing into people who will change the world around them.

 

And because you're a mom, and your day is not done dig deep and pray for the energy to load the dishwasher, and fold a load of laundry, and pick up the house, and kiss the husband, and pet the dog. And when your head finally hits the pillow, know beyond a shadow of a doubt that your dedication to the simple things today will mean a changed world tomorrow.

 

 

 

 

 

Faith Building

A year after I discovered Facebook I discovered something else; My mind began to think in status updates. Somehow, "I need to load the dishwasher" was transformed into, "These dishes are out of control. Time to do what I do best and tackle the mess." And "I'm so tired" became, "Long night up with the baby. Mama needs a coffee." Perhaps it's the writer in me but this new pattern of thought came very easily. I began living out my inner monologue in a manner that would make Mark Zuckerberg oh so proud. I didn't always run to the computer to update my friends on things such as the jaw dropping size of Adam's poop, but my mind formulated a status update regardless.

Now when you're a stay at home mom, locked in the house with a bunch of pooping, screaming, laughing little ones, it is nice to have an outlet. And Facebook is certainly an outlet. On the occasions when my thoughts escaped my mind and found their way into Faceland my friends were so encouraging. They liked me! They really, really liked me! They appreciated not feeling alone in their mothering. They were grateful that I made them laugh out loud. And suddenly Facebook not only became an outlet, it also became a place where I received praise and affirmation. And let's be honest, no one thanks me when I wipe their butts around here.

I loved this new found land. It was a place where the attention I received from my captive audience of friends distracted me from the monotony of life in the motherhood. I found it particularly welcome during the years I endured long Wisconsin winters. But over time I realized something. My status driven thinking, need for an outlet, and desire for praise were actually stealing sweet moments from my life. It's so obvious really.  I know many people have caught onto this much sooner than I did. And when the light bulb went off I was simultaneously struck with this verse:

I will extol the LORD at all times; his praise will always be on my lips. (Psalm 34:1) 

And I realized I could not have praise "always on my lips" if status updates were always on my mind. So what was I to do? The most simple (and yet ashamedly difficult) answer was to redirect my thinking. My mind had developed a pattern of thinking in status. I had to change the pattern into thinking in praise. About 6 months ago the transformation began. Whenever my mind began the think in status, I stopped and refocused.

"It's HOT! Time for a family dip in the pool."

became ...

 "Thank you God for the blessings you've given my family. A home and the health to do the things we enjoy."

And ...

"Cookies in the oven and Matt home playing with the boys. This is bliss." 

became ...

"Thank you heavenly father for my children and my husband who loves them so well." 

Even well intentioned updates like ...

"Please pray for Henry. He's has surgery tomorrow morning."

became ...

"Thank you Father for holding Henry in the palm of your hand. Please guide the doctors and nurses as they work to heal his little body."

Time and again I had to redirect my thoughts. Was I going to send them into the abyss of the internet? Or would I send them heavenward? One would feed my desire for distraction and attention. The other would grow in me the fruits of thanksgiving and faithfulness. So with the help of the Spirit I chose to look heavenward with my thoughts. Over. And over. And over again.

As is always the case when you respond to God's tug on your heart, the timing of my thought-life transformation was perfect. The last 6 months have been a particularly challenging time. We experienced the loss of a tiny life growing in my womb. Henry had a mysterious lump appear on his neck. He had a wonderfully successful surgery to remove the mass and while it's exact origin is still a mystery he is healthy. During this time of trial our home was filled with stress, anxiety and tears. But in the quiet moments when it would have been so easy to hop on the computer and seek affirmation in my struggles I turned instead to prayer. In his divine wisdom God knew I would need Him (always ... but even more) in the last 6 months. I can see it clearly now. And while the last 6 months have been a challenging time, they have also been a faith building time. And for that I am thankful.

Thank you God for speaking to my heart, for encouraging me to lean on you more, and for bringing my family through every joy and struggle you place in our path.



 

Peace Over Impatience

My dear friend Jenny sent me this book awhile back ...

 

... and it's helping me become the mom I've always wanted my children to have.

 

 

The other morning I read the following passages:

 

"Choosing to be a servant-mother means ... that, by faith, I have already made a decision to make myself available in the routine tasks and myriad interruptions of daily life because I believe it is God's will for me to serve my family through them. Making this choice ahead of time means I will expect problems and needs to arise and be ready to deal with them in peace instead of impatience and resentment."

 

"And yet somewhere, over the years, the Lord convicted me that the future was not where real life began. Each day was God's perfect will for me. There would be no wasted years of "just taking care of the needs of my young children." On the contrary, these years would be among the most important of my life."

 

And the remainder of the day, after I was encouraged and inspired by these words, went something like this ...

 

I did about 20 push ups and one set of crunches before Henry woke up. Workout over.

 

I folded laundry as Claire unfolded it.

 

My neighbor stopped to chat as I was running late loading the kids in the car.

 

I cooked. Adam "helped."

 

As we were sitting down to lunch Tyson came to the door covered in mud and had to be rinsed off, dried off and tied up.

 

Adam was "helping" me vacuum up a (different) mess Tyson made and the hand vac (which was filled with thousands of tiny chia seeds) exploded when he dropped it on the hard wood floor.

 

I sat down to rest my brain and feet and soul ... and Claire woke up.

 

I got stuck at a railroad crossing while already running late to Kindergarten pick up.

 

And when the kids were all in bed, the remainder of my night was spent folding their laundry, packing Henry's lunch, unloading the dishwasher and sweeping ... still finding chia seeds.

 

I could go on ... and on ... and on. And I'm pretty sure I'm not alone.

 

Now the thing is, all of these interruptions are annoying. And challenging. And I can't say I didn't feel frustrated numerous times throughout the day. But I can say that I did not take that frustration out on my kids. I didn't say something I regretted later. I didn't even sigh heavily just so they would know "mommy is working hard here!" And believe me when I tell you that is not me. Not. At. All. 

 

I am reminded daily that God doesn't want perfection. I'm glad. Because I will never be a perfect mom. He does however desire to see faith and obedience. So when my kids are pulling from all directions, and the dog is rolling in mud, and the neighbor stops to tell me about his literary dreams, I am choosing to handle it all with "peace instead of impatience and resentment."

Little things help along the way. This poem - which has become my daily prayer - is one of them.

 

  



Everything I Need to Know ...

 

 

Well the big day came and went. Henry started Kindergarten today. He is going to Chico Christian School and I'm pretty sure his teacher, Mrs. D, will be amazing. He is more than ready for this transition. He was bright eyed, bushy tailed and ready to get going this morning but I made him cuddle with me on the couch for a few minutes before the rush of the morning took over.

 

 

He enjoyed posing for his first day of Kindergarten pictures.

 



I can't say the same for Adam and Claire.

 



 

We enjoyed our ride to school.

 

 

Henry LOVED being able to play on the big kid playground.

 

 

I nearly lost it seeing his itty-bitty body and big ol' backpack walk down the hall to his classroom.

 

And of course there was a place waiting for him when he got inside.

 

 

And since Henry is in school Adam officially started "Momma School" today. We kicked it off by going to the library and getting Adam his own library card. We enjoyed a snack at the library. I do believe I held Adam and Claire a bit tighter than usual today.

 







And at 11:45 sharp we were finally reunited. And it felt so good!

 

 

 

Oh. And Tyson had fun today too.

 

 

I will always remember this day. I will remember it for a few reasons.  Of course I will remember Henry starting school. And I will remember driving to pick him up and wanting to kill Tyson because I smelled like wet dog and was covered in mud. And I will remember today because Claire had an epic blowout during her afternoon nap and decided to smear poop all over her crib and hair and hands and feet and face and mouth. But what I will remember most about today is the moment when I clearly heard God speaking to me.  

 

If I'm being honest there have been many little things about Henry's room placement that have been causing me to feel heavy hearted. He got the kindergarten classroom that is furthest from the parking lot which means I will have to unload (just to load again) the kids and trek to the far end of the campus when I pick Henry up everyday. He didn't get placed with any of his preschool buddies which means I will rarely see the mom friends I was getting to know last year. He got placed in the class with peanut and almond allergy kids which means I will have to think really hard about what to feed my son who only eats PB&J. I've been wallowing in all these (petty) thoughts for awhile. And it's been ugly. And today I clearly heard God tell me, "Stop. This is not about you. It's about Henry. And I have him in the palm of my hand and have placed him with the perfect teacher to help him know and love me more."

 

So at the end of a very hard day, I am thankful that God knows the plans he has for my child. I am thankful that He plans to grow and prosper Henry. I am thankful that 6 years ago God, the creator of the world, carefully knit Henry together in my womb. I am thankful that this very day He knows even the number of hairs on his precious little head. And I am thankful that God will never leave Henry and in fact goodness and mercy will follow Henry all the days of his life. And that is all I need to know. Yesterday. Today. And forever.





Simply In Love

My days are emotional. They are full of great highs and some exhausting lows. There are moments that leave me feeling full to the brim of love, gratitude and appreciation. And of course there are moments that send me straight to the baking cupboard searching desperately for those last few chocolate chips that I just know have to be there.

I've been reading this book. As I devour every page I am reminded that motherhood is an emotion filled ride for each and every one of us. I'm not sure why I picked the book up a couple months ago. For some reason it just called to me from the shelves of Barnes and Noble. Whatever the reason, I am so glad I made the impulsive decision to buy this beautiful book. I am incredibly encouraged by the author and momma. She is beautiful. Her children are beautiful. And her honesty and positive approach to life encourage me. Much of the book has made me cry like a baby. If fact, Henry "caught me" crying my eyes out over chapter 12. As he looked into my water brimmed eyes, I looked even deeper into his chocolate ones. And then in a state of deep gratitude for this thing called motherhood an outpouring of mothery, gooey, loviness flowed out of me:

Henry, do you know how much I love you? I love you more than you may ever know. I love you for all that you are. I love every part of you. Your heart. Your body. Your smart little brain. I love that God gave me you. He gave me you Henry. And I love you more than anything.

But not more than God right momma?

Right Henry. I love God the most. Because out of all the little boys in the world He gave me you.

And then he hugged me. And walked away in his saggy Darth Vader underwear.

And that pretty much sums up this day. Simply in love with my boys. My daughter. My husband. And my stinky new dog.

Mother's Day

On Sunday I celebrated my 6th Mother's Day. This picture captures perfectly how I felt that day from the moment I opened my eyes in the morning to the minute I laid my head on my pillow that night.

Motherhood is the most awesome gift I've received. Because of it I've been stretched beyond my wildest dreams. I have learned am learning how to become more selfless with my time, desires, and sleeping habits. Everyday I find a new reason to love Matt more deeply than the day before. And with each living, breathing, back-talking blessing we add to our family I am learning that my ability to love and guide my children is best reflected in the love that Christ has for me.

*   *   *

Thank you Matt for being such a joyful companion down the road of parenthood. In my heart of hearts I know that we were made to journey though life together. Henry, Adam and Claire are so blessed by your example. Our boys are learning to be dedicated, hard working, loving fathers' and Claire will know what kind of man she should look for when we let her start dating at 43.

And to my big-hearted first born Henry, thank you for loving me! Your encouraging words bless me daily. Your hugs and kisses surprise me when I need them the most. And when I look into your big brown eyes and see myself reflected there I am reminded of the miracle of life.

And Adam Scott Barron, how do I begin to describe the joy, life and laughter you bring to my life. Your love of hard work (especially outdoors with dada) inspires me. Your big voice, hilarious words, and "broken tooth" smile make me laugh from the depths of my belly. The honesty that flows from your heart melts my own. You have a determination that is unparalled.

And to the little girl who made us a family of five, you are loved by all of us more than you will know. Your smile melts me, and your dad and your brothers and your grandma and every grocery checker or stranger we pass on the street. You've been described on numerous occasion as "sparkly" and I tend to agree. You are sweet and feisty and you bring out the best in me.

I love all of you bunches.

A New Creation

A month ago, over a lunch of PB&J, Goldfish crackers and grapes, Henry asked Jesus into his heart . It was a sweet, sincere and powerful moment. It really started weeks before with questions like "How does God fits in our heart?" and "Do we feel safer when he's there?" During lunch on this particularly sunny day (rare for the wet weather we've experienced this spring) we were talking about all the wonderful gifts God has given us. Adam shared that his favorite gift was his family. Henry shared that his favorite gift was God and asked how he could ask Him into his heart. We prayed a simple, sweet prayer and with the faith of a child a new heart was created in my 5 year old little boy. He instantly wanted to help me around the house, share his toys selflessly with Adam, feed Claire and clean up after himself without whining. In my heart of hearts I knew I was witnessing a heart being molded into the image of Christ.

And then this morning, over a breakfast of cereal and O.J, he drew me these pictures ...



"Momma With a Big Butt"  by Henry Barron



"Adam Going Poop on the Potty" by Henry Barron

... and in a (hilarious) instant I was reminded that the process of becoming like Christ is a lifelong process muddled by our humanness. And made beautiful by God's forgiveness. Thank you Henry Thomas Barron for always keeping me humble. And prayerful. And on the verge of insanity.

(In all seriousness, the moment Henry asked Jesus into his heart was one of the most amazing parenting moments I've experienced. Matt and I celebrated Henry's choice by taking just him to breakfast and giving him a book. We continue to tell him how we see him changing by being more patient, kind and loving with his siblings. I wrote down the date (March 12th, 2012) and we plan to celebrate his "Spiritual Birthday" every year with the gift of a small book or devotional and by selecting and memorizing a new bible verse each year that we hope will be symbolic of his spiritual growth for that particular year.)

Above All Else

My mom stopped by awhile ago to see her grand babies. She happened to catch us when I was in deep reflection on my role as a mom. As a result, I was a tad overwhelmed with the huge blessing and responsibility that comes with raising three children from babyhood to adulthood. I'm pretty sure she was the first person taller than 3 foot 2 inches I had seen that day and as a result the floodgates opened: "They have to know how to wash all their body parts ... and how to make good choices ... and I want them to love God ... " My mom listened patiently (as she always does) and then said, "I'm sure it's easy to get overwhelmed. Just remember to ask God for the wisdom to teach them what is most important. And know that you have time."

And that is one of the many reasons I love my mom. She is just so wise.


I took her advice to heart and as I prayed a sweet image of my children as adults filled my mind. I found myself pondering how I want my children to remember me when they have kids of their own. What aspects of my parenting do I hope they implement when they are parents? How do I want them to remember me long after I am gone? Framing my motherhood responsibilities in this light allowed me to pinpoint a few of the most important things I hope my children learn from my example.

*   *   *



"Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind. And love your neighbor as yourself."  
Luke 10:27

Above all else I hope to teach my children that the truest love they will ever know is found in the selfless love of Christ. I hope they learn that loving God and serving him with all they are is their most important and fulfilling purpose. I hope they take the love that God has graciously lavished upon them and use it to bless their siblings, their friends, their family, their neighbors and also people who may cause them hurt along the bumpy road of life.

HENRY - age 2 1/2

But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.
Galatians 5:22-23

Can you imagine spending your days with someone who exudes all the qualities above? How comforting to know that your closest companion will love you even when you disappoint them, be joyful and celebrate when you succeed and show you patience in every situation. I pray every morning for the spirit of God to direct my thoughts, my actions and my words. I pray because I desperately need God's help in this matter. By nature I do not embody the fruit of the spirit. But it is my hearts desire that my children learn from my example to also be loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle and self-controlled.

"My father's house has many rooms; if that were not so would I have told you that I was going there to prepare a place for you?" 

John 14:2

Every day is a gift from God, filled with more beauty than words can express. I treasure the moments I spend with my children and I pray that they will approach life with a heart that recognizes the gift of the present. Equally, I want them to know that because of God's love for us we are part of something even more glorious than the day to day living we enjoy. I pray that my children develop a deep desire to experience the reality of life in heaven with our amazing savior and all the people we love who have gone before us. I believe in my core that one of the most important truths I can teach my children is that we will see our loved ones again and that death is not to be feared when we know and love Jesus. As a young child I remember clinging to that truth when I faced the loss of loved ones. In recent years that truth has been my comfort through great loss. I can't imagine dealing with the incredible pain of losing a loved one without the comfort that one day "he will wipe every tear from our eyes and there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain." (Revelation 21:4)

Deep Thoughts

I love eavesdropping on Henry and Adam. Their "conversations" mostly consist of Henry telling Adam things, Adam saying "No He (Henry)!"  and Henry yelling, "Yes Adam!!!" The other day as I was making their lunch and they were arguing conversing I heard:

HENRY: Adam, did you know God made us for his art?

I froze. In stopped production of the PB&J factory on my counter and my eyes teared up. In moments like these I am so in awe of my children and my God. I am amazed how He reveals himself to the little ones such as these. And I am humbled by the simple faith of a child. In the midst of slathering jelly on crust less bread I was reminded that "we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which he created in advance for us to do." (Ephesians 2:10)

Thank you Lord, for using my children daily to draw me closer to you.