A Word From the Boss

I received my job performance evaluation last week.

Phew! What a relief. Because that evaluation could have gone much differently. Let's be honest, I don't frequently hear those glowing reviews from my dependents. They are very quick to tell me when the food I make is gross. They don't hesitate to talk back when I ask them to do something.  They certainly let me know when they have better ideas than me. But they don't often chime in with, "I love you mommy ... you're the best mom ever."

When I was a working woman, before I became a stay-at-home-and-work-my-tail-off-woman, I received job performance evaluations all the time. Every job I've had came with an evaluation of some sort. My college job, my teaching jobs, my managerial jobs. I received regular feedback on my job performance every step of the way. And then I became a mom - the single most important job I've ever had - and the performance evaluations stopped.

 

 

Some days, I'm just fine with figuring this gig out on my own. But lots of days, I just want a little feedback. Something. Anything, really. And not from the little people who benefit (or not) from my tactics. But from one slightly more mature who sees, day in and day out, just how I handle this bunch of Barron's. And on those days, which are usually filled with a fair amount of self-doubt, I have to remind myself that I am not alone. That there is one who see my actions, knows my heart and hears my thoughts. And not only is He watching me. He is most certainly in my corner, lovingly cheering me on as I tackle my highest calling.

 

So when Henry secretly records a video to tell me, "You're the best mom ever" I not only hear his sweet words. I also choose to hear the voice of God encouraging me along the way.

 

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters,  since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

Colossians 3:23-24

A

Roughing It

A friend recently blogged about her camping trip. She, her husband and their 9 month old baby were dropped by plane "way out" in Alaska for a few days of tent camping and hiking. I read her blog entry as I was taking a break from packing for 2 days and nights of camping in Lassen national park. And can I just say, I am in awe of my friend. They essentially took tents and sleeping bags. We took, well, more than that. I'm a wee bit embarrassed to say what all we took. Let's just say we left all electronic devices at home (other than our phones that lost service at camp) so I felt justified that we were just taking the necessities. Although I will admit that the Barron's have a pretty loose definition of what's a necessity.

My friend went on to say she worried the entire time that her family would meet a bear. She actually agonized over it a bit. I'm happy to report their adventure was bear free. Only to cross paths with one sitting in their driveway when they returned home. Funny the things we worry about. I worried the entire time that Claire would poop through all the clothes I brought her and the bed she was sleeping on. I'm happy to report she didn't. She did however poop (diarrhea) in the tub she and her brothers where sharing within the first 15 minutes of our homecoming. The beauty of it was all 3 had already showered the dirt away but I was just giving them extra soaking time to make sure all the dirt in their creases washed away.

We had a fantastic time on our trip. We were blessed with the company of 90 people from our wonderful church. The trip was even catered (while my friends munched on smoked Alaskan salmon and wild blueberries). And when all was said and done we returned home dirtier, happier, fatter and blessed with deeper friendships and treasured family memories.

Fishing on Lake Manzanita.

Dirt. Lots and lots of dirt.

Henry spells quality time C-A-R-D-S. And Matt is great to always play with him.

These fallen trees provided hours of fun, free, dirty entertainment for the kids.

Getting ready for S'mores!

Claire's sweet, dirty hands.

Crazy mountain men.

Dirty. And ready for a nap.

Playing in the tent was as fun as playing in the woods.

Early morning fire and fishy crackers.

Waiting for breakfast on our last day. I love this rugged bunch.

Peace Over Impatience

My dear friend Jenny sent me this book awhile back ...

 

... and it's helping me become the mom I've always wanted my children to have.

 

 

The other morning I read the following passages:

 

"Choosing to be a servant-mother means ... that, by faith, I have already made a decision to make myself available in the routine tasks and myriad interruptions of daily life because I believe it is God's will for me to serve my family through them. Making this choice ahead of time means I will expect problems and needs to arise and be ready to deal with them in peace instead of impatience and resentment."

 

"And yet somewhere, over the years, the Lord convicted me that the future was not where real life began. Each day was God's perfect will for me. There would be no wasted years of "just taking care of the needs of my young children." On the contrary, these years would be among the most important of my life."

 

And the remainder of the day, after I was encouraged and inspired by these words, went something like this ...

 

I did about 20 push ups and one set of crunches before Henry woke up. Workout over.

 

I folded laundry as Claire unfolded it.

 

My neighbor stopped to chat as I was running late loading the kids in the car.

 

I cooked. Adam "helped."

 

As we were sitting down to lunch Tyson came to the door covered in mud and had to be rinsed off, dried off and tied up.

 

Adam was "helping" me vacuum up a (different) mess Tyson made and the hand vac (which was filled with thousands of tiny chia seeds) exploded when he dropped it on the hard wood floor.

 

I sat down to rest my brain and feet and soul ... and Claire woke up.

 

I got stuck at a railroad crossing while already running late to Kindergarten pick up.

 

And when the kids were all in bed, the remainder of my night was spent folding their laundry, packing Henry's lunch, unloading the dishwasher and sweeping ... still finding chia seeds.

 

I could go on ... and on ... and on. And I'm pretty sure I'm not alone.

 

Now the thing is, all of these interruptions are annoying. And challenging. And I can't say I didn't feel frustrated numerous times throughout the day. But I can say that I did not take that frustration out on my kids. I didn't say something I regretted later. I didn't even sigh heavily just so they would know "mommy is working hard here!" And believe me when I tell you that is not me. Not. At. All. 

 

I am reminded daily that God doesn't want perfection. I'm glad. Because I will never be a perfect mom. He does however desire to see faith and obedience. So when my kids are pulling from all directions, and the dog is rolling in mud, and the neighbor stops to tell me about his literary dreams, I am choosing to handle it all with "peace instead of impatience and resentment."

Little things help along the way. This poem - which has become my daily prayer - is one of them.

 

  



Everything I Need to Know ...

 

 

Well the big day came and went. Henry started Kindergarten today. He is going to Chico Christian School and I'm pretty sure his teacher, Mrs. D, will be amazing. He is more than ready for this transition. He was bright eyed, bushy tailed and ready to get going this morning but I made him cuddle with me on the couch for a few minutes before the rush of the morning took over.

 

 

He enjoyed posing for his first day of Kindergarten pictures.

 



I can't say the same for Adam and Claire.

 



 

We enjoyed our ride to school.

 

 

Henry LOVED being able to play on the big kid playground.

 

 

I nearly lost it seeing his itty-bitty body and big ol' backpack walk down the hall to his classroom.

 

And of course there was a place waiting for him when he got inside.

 

 

And since Henry is in school Adam officially started "Momma School" today. We kicked it off by going to the library and getting Adam his own library card. We enjoyed a snack at the library. I do believe I held Adam and Claire a bit tighter than usual today.

 







And at 11:45 sharp we were finally reunited. And it felt so good!

 

 

 

Oh. And Tyson had fun today too.

 

 

I will always remember this day. I will remember it for a few reasons.  Of course I will remember Henry starting school. And I will remember driving to pick him up and wanting to kill Tyson because I smelled like wet dog and was covered in mud. And I will remember today because Claire had an epic blowout during her afternoon nap and decided to smear poop all over her crib and hair and hands and feet and face and mouth. But what I will remember most about today is the moment when I clearly heard God speaking to me.  

 

If I'm being honest there have been many little things about Henry's room placement that have been causing me to feel heavy hearted. He got the kindergarten classroom that is furthest from the parking lot which means I will have to unload (just to load again) the kids and trek to the far end of the campus when I pick Henry up everyday. He didn't get placed with any of his preschool buddies which means I will rarely see the mom friends I was getting to know last year. He got placed in the class with peanut and almond allergy kids which means I will have to think really hard about what to feed my son who only eats PB&J. I've been wallowing in all these (petty) thoughts for awhile. And it's been ugly. And today I clearly heard God tell me, "Stop. This is not about you. It's about Henry. And I have him in the palm of my hand and have placed him with the perfect teacher to help him know and love me more."

 

So at the end of a very hard day, I am thankful that God knows the plans he has for my child. I am thankful that He plans to grow and prosper Henry. I am thankful that 6 years ago God, the creator of the world, carefully knit Henry together in my womb. I am thankful that this very day He knows even the number of hairs on his precious little head. And I am thankful that God will never leave Henry and in fact goodness and mercy will follow Henry all the days of his life. And that is all I need to know. Yesterday. Today. And forever.





Goals Revised

Henry starts Kindergarten in a couple weeks and according to almost everyone this makes me one step closer to freedom. My first child is starting school, all day kindergarten none the less. A couple years ago I thought having the first of my three in school would put me closer to the goal tired moms everywhere work toward: get all your kids in school. I am discovering that for me and my family I couldn't have been more wrong.

Now don't misundertand. I need time away from my kids. Quite honestly I am exhausted by  them. It's mind numbing work to wipe bottoms, break up fights, listen to whining, buckle and unbuckle car seats, make PB&J's just to turn around and serve another snack an hour later, whip out crafts, break up more fights, wipe noses, and be touched CONSTANTLY by nasty little hands that gross even me - their mother - out! But as I approach the sought after milestone of "finally" having a school age child I am discovering something I missed until recently. The goal of early childhood is NOT to work toward the day you can drop your child off at school. The goal of early childhood is to take full advantage of the time you have them under your wing, making sure to invest diligently, lovingly and wholeheartedly into the lives that have been entrusted into your care. These early years are formative and as Mom I have been given the privilege and responsibility to train my children in the way they should go.

My hearts desire is to see my children equipped with the spiritual foundation, confidence and character to handle all that life throws at them. I believe that these life long skills take shape in the first 5 years of life. And I hope that after they slay the dragons that await them in kindergarten and beyond my children will never be too old to come home for cookies and milk. I will however, gladly leave them to handle their own bottom wiping.

Simply In Love

My days are emotional. They are full of great highs and some exhausting lows. There are moments that leave me feeling full to the brim of love, gratitude and appreciation. And of course there are moments that send me straight to the baking cupboard searching desperately for those last few chocolate chips that I just know have to be there.

I've been reading this book. As I devour every page I am reminded that motherhood is an emotion filled ride for each and every one of us. I'm not sure why I picked the book up a couple months ago. For some reason it just called to me from the shelves of Barnes and Noble. Whatever the reason, I am so glad I made the impulsive decision to buy this beautiful book. I am incredibly encouraged by the author and momma. She is beautiful. Her children are beautiful. And her honesty and positive approach to life encourage me. Much of the book has made me cry like a baby. If fact, Henry "caught me" crying my eyes out over chapter 12. As he looked into my water brimmed eyes, I looked even deeper into his chocolate ones. And then in a state of deep gratitude for this thing called motherhood an outpouring of mothery, gooey, loviness flowed out of me:

Henry, do you know how much I love you? I love you more than you may ever know. I love you for all that you are. I love every part of you. Your heart. Your body. Your smart little brain. I love that God gave me you. He gave me you Henry. And I love you more than anything.

But not more than God right momma?

Right Henry. I love God the most. Because out of all the little boys in the world He gave me you.

And then he hugged me. And walked away in his saggy Darth Vader underwear.

And that pretty much sums up this day. Simply in love with my boys. My daughter. My husband. And my stinky new dog.

Milestones

There are days in my life as a stay at home mom that drag on ... and on ... and on. It seems like the diapers never end. The runny noses are nonstop. And the demands  requests for food and fun are constant. On days like these it is hard not to feel like my kids will be in the "needy years" forever. And then in one week (just one week) my oldest reaches 3 milestones! These milestones bring me so much joy. They also remind me that we will soon reach the "independent years" and I am encouraged to put forth my most patient effort in the midst of those energy zapping needy moments.

Milestone One: Henry learned to ride his bike with no training wheels.

(we did eventually remember the helmet)

Milestone Two: He golfed for the first time at the "real" golf course and loved every minute.

Milestone 3: He put together this Lego firetruck with almost no help from mom and dad.