Thursday, August 8, 2013

The Evolution of a Mommy

There are currently some fantastic blog posts circulating Facebook about how life miraculously gets "easier" when you add more kids to your family. I agree 100%. And the more I think about it the more I realize that it is due in large to the evolution of the mother.  With each addition we move one step further in the evolutionary process from high stress overachievers to laid back breeders.

Here's what I mean ...

With the firstborn you are convinced you can't take a shower unless Baby Numero Uno (BNO) is fast asleep or being closely supervised by another responsible adult (usually known as dad). By Baby Numero Quatro (BNQ), you throw the 3 oldest kids in the backyard with spray bottles and tell them to get the dog while you simultaneously lay the baby on the floor using a ceiling fan as babysitter just so you can squeeze in a glorious 4 minutes shower.

With BNO you make all their baby food. All of it. Even homemade pureed chicken. Disgusting (and likely the reason your first born is a self-proclaimed vegetarian). With the arrival of BNQ you find yourself at the grocery store in the boxed food aisle and suddenly Hamburger Helper sounds like the missing food group and the best idea ever!

While nursing BNO you don't consume alcohol or caffeine. While nursing BNQ you find that a glass of wine every night equals a happy mommy. And also a baby who sleeps through the night at 6 weeks. No correlation of course.

With BNO you cry over spilt milk (especially the breast milk variety). With BNQ you find your 2 year old licking it off the floor. And you don't stop her.

After the birth of BNO no single thought induces more fear than the looming reality of your first post delivery BM. After the birth of BNQ you're in and out, deed done, in 60 seconds flat (unfortunately the husband will never evolve this far. Don't waste your energy hoping it will happen. It won't).

When BNO is old enough to know that veggies are blah and ice cream is viola you make sure not to eat sweet treats in front of them because it just wouldn't be fair to the little darling. By the time BNQ is born you drive thru Mickey D's for a milkshake. And don't share one... single ... sip...with the whining trio in the backseat.

In order to get BNO on a healthy schedule you rack your brain, read all the books, rally advice from all your friends and pray for a miracle. By BNQ  you find yourself thrilled that she is the most beautiful breather, eater, pooper and sleeper you've ever laid eyes on.

And with that you breathe a contented sigh. While the big kids chase the dog in the backyard, the 2 year old eats food off the floor and the baby coos beautifully at the ceiling fan. Because truly, a happy home filled with breathing, eating, pooping, sleeping kids really is goal numero uno.


  1. This made me laugh and want to cry at the same time! I was cracking up, and then sappy at the end!

  2. I love this. Beautiful and funny at the same time.